


Remembering

by notjustanyoneofakind



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-04 09:17:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1773832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notjustanyoneofakind/pseuds/notjustanyoneofakind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus closed his eyes as memories flashed through his mind.</p><p>Holding Harry back when all he wanted to do was throw himself through that curtain. </p><p>Comforting the boy in his arms when he knew it would never be alright. </p><p>Not now, not ever again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remembering

The door banged shut behind him, waking the portrait, but he didn't do anything to stop it.

Remus closed his eyes as memories flashed through his mind.

Holding Harry back when all he wanted to do was throw himself through that curtain.

Comforting the boy in his arms when he knew it would never be alright.

Not now, not ever again.

He shook his head, desperately trying to think of happier days.

He remembered their first kiss, unsure and awkward in their dorm room after Sirius told him how he felt.

The first time they fought, explosive and terrible. About nothing, it was just a book.

And then afterwards, the gentle kisses that told him he was forgiven.

Their graduation, not an ending but a beginning. A beginning of their time in the Order.

Waving Sirius and James off on their first mission as he went down to the basement to wait out the full moon. And then welcoming them back, his fear melting away with the first touch of his lover.

They waited. Until one mission Sirius lost contact. They thought they'd lost him. James was inconsolable, Remus having to comfort him as Lily went into labour. No one asked if Remus was alright.

And then he arrived, dirty and pale, stories of Death Eaters and attacks. He hugged James, smiled at Lily and kissed Harry's hair before he allowed Remus to lead him upstairs.

That night he took Remus for the first time, a primal act of need that left them both wrapped in each other's arms, never wanting to let go.

But they had to. If Remus had been there, it wouldn't have happened. He never hated the moon more than he did that night. And Sirius was ripped away from him, dragged away at the trial without even being able to say goodbye.

For thirteen years, Remus knew the truth. He knew that his lover was innocent. But it made no difference. He was still locked in the Ministry Cells once a month, still subjected to death threats and hate crimes, all for being with the man he loved.

And then finally reunited. All he wanted was for Sirius to hold him but he couldn't, he had to leave, to go into hiding. Another departure with no goodbye.

The letter. The tiny piece of paper with Dumbledore's handwriting. '12 Grimmauld Place, London. He's waiting.' The elation of seeing the house appear and then walking inside, the joy at seeing Sirius waiting in the hallway for him, tears sliding down both their cheeks.

They were tender, both hurting, both needing to rediscover each other. To touch every inch of their bodies, to know that they were both there. They weren't going anywhere. The next night was different. They were animalistic in their desperation to mark each other, to claim the other as their own.

Sirius meeting Harry again, a summer spent together. Becoming parents for a while. Remus knew it couldn't last; knew something always came to ruin it for them, but he refused to listen. Let himself believe that he was safe in the arms of his love, that they were safe together.

But then this terrible night. The patronus from the school, the rush to get there in time. Remus tried to stop him, pleaded with him to stay behind. But Sirius just smiled and kissed him, speaking softly; "I've spent thirteen years trying to get to you. Nothing will take me away again."

"Nothing will take me away again," the words were all he could hear as he sank to the floor, sliding down the wall until he was curled in a trembling ball. Remus finally let himself feel, let the pain consume him until he was sobbing uncontrollably, the tears soaking into his robes.

And suddenly there was someone next to him. He looked up into Minerva's face and saw the tears in her own eyes as she gathered him into her arms. As she rocked him, he wrapped his hands in her robes, as if he were a child again, seeking the comfort of his mother.

"He's gone, he's gone. He's not coming back. He's gone-" he dissolved back into sobs as she shushed him gently, tightening her grip on him and nodding.

"I know, I know he's gone. I know it hurts. But we're going to be alright. We'll get through this together."

And Remus knew that somehow she was right.

Someday he would be able to stand up and face the world. But for now, he wasn't willing to do anything but stay wrapped in Minerva's arms.

Someday he would fight to avenge his love. Nothing in his life had broken him yet. He would show the world he wasn't broken by this.

But that day was not this day.

That day would be a long time coming.


End file.
